Tuesday, May 19, 2009

STUDENT REFLECTIONS - Preparing for the Journey - Adam Conway

It was surprisingly cool for a May night, but Neil and I had decided to walk and weren’t up for making any negotiations. He was looking somewhat alien to me- a once dark and pudgy boy turned into a muscular, thick-necked lounger, reminiscent of a casual bear with his baggy clothes, new body, and shaggy hair. We hadn’t seen each other in nearly a year, but we were determined to have another talk, per usual- a life-affirming, soul-bearing, emotionally draining confession and suggestion fest. And we succeeded, only more blunty and simply than before.
“So you’re going to South Africa.”
“Yep”
“Cool. Why?”
Why? An absurd question. No one else had required that answer. They knew it was an amazing opportunity, that it’s focus was human rights (a passion of mine that I flaunt too proudly), and that it would be in a damn pretty country. That suited most just fine. Neil, however, was never satisfied with a resume. He wanted the answers I was not even telling myself.
I rambled. I made excuses. I cited statistics from my research project. He was not convinced. Instead, he spoke of his own plans to study abroad in Russia and shared with me his realization- “I’m running away from the certain; I’m running to the new and terrifying.”
And I nodded. So was I. So were all of us. Yes, this particular program has its own appeal- an internship AND tourism. Beautiful. Affordable. History. Human Rights. Other Truman students. Short enough, if things proved too terrifying. It was like finding a meal on the menu consisting of all your favorite foods- just too perfect to pass up. But why go abroad in the first place? Because I am tired of the security, comfort, and monotony of Kirksville, of Missouri. I’ve found my life stagnant and my growth nonexistent as I become too familiar with the people, the customs, the realities of my little life. And in Cape Town, I am an alien, a stranger, trying to learn how to function and who to be. It is in the “new” and “terrifying” that I will not only encounter the eye-opening, fascinating, humbling, and expanding, but I will hopefully return with a little more clarity on where I am to go and who I am to be.
Babies only grow so much in the womb, eventually, it’s time to get born. But I didn’t leave kicking and screaming, crying and terrified, or smiling and thrilled. I’ve seen in all of my new friends a vacancy. We have not yet realized that there is life beyond the birth canal as we creep, sedated and zombie like through the airport, through the plane. I don’t know whether to cower or cheer because until I arrive, South Africa might as well be Oz, Narnia, or some other fantastic impossibility.
But I hope when I get there I will act with the curiosity, humility, sense of humor, and grace I’ve seen in the international students who have come to study at Truman. After working with them for two years now, I’ve got a vague idea of what it takes to learn, to teach, and to grow in a new world; here’s hoping I’ve got the stuff to execute the lessons they keep sharing. I hope I listen more than judge, that I share without evangelizing, that I learn more about what I’m capable of and about what I value, and that I send a few postcards a long the way.
And I hope that some time in the next few weeks I fully realize why it is I came here and who I can become.

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